Last Saturday, soccer fans in Afgoi, 30 kilometres south of the Somali capital of Mogadishu, were watching the World Cup match between Argentina and Nigeria. Suddenly, members of the Hizbul Islam militia burst into the home in which the fans had clustered around the television. The militants–the region’s de facto government–killed two viewers and arrested 10 others for the crime of …watching the World Cup.

The Muslim group’s spokesman explained that fans had been warned not to watch the event, since it would “distract them from pursuing holy jihad.” “We are warning all the youth of Somalia not to dare watch these World Cup matches. It is a waste of money and time and they will not benefit anything or get any experience by watching mad men jumping up and down,” said Sheikh Mohamed Abdi Aros.

Hizbul Islam had previously banned all forms of entertainment considered un-Islamic under a strict interpretation of shariah law. There was to be no video gaming or watching sports in public. They shuttered movie theatres that showed major sporting events to residents, most of whom are too poor to own their own televisions, let alone a satellite dish that permits them to get around Hizbul Islam’s control of local broadcast television.

These extremists also have ordered aid agencies out of the regions of Somalia they control. Their official rationale was that the aid groups were raising millions from around the world without providing Somalis with any benefits. The charitable agencies believe, though, that what Hizbul Islam truly feared was ordinary Somalis seeing the kindness of the mostly Western relief workers and ceasing to believe the anti-Western propaganda their political masters spew.

Then, this week, Moalim Hashi, a regional chairman for Hizbul Islam, warned all men in southern Somalia to trim their mustaches, but not their beards, rather than the other way around. “We are clearly informing the residents in the areas under our authority that they should not dare to trim their beards and let their mustaches grow longer, and whoever turns deaf ears to our orders will face penalty in accordance with the Islamic religion.” That’s a public flogging on first offence, according to Mr. Hashi.

These people are the new Puritans.

Historians are divided on whether Oliver Cromwell, the 17th-century Lord Protector of England, actually sent his troops to sniff out geese roasting over the Christmas hearths of Englishmen’s homes, as legend holds, and drag those daring to celebrate Christmas into the street to be beaten. Nonetheless, it’s certain that he banned most forms of entertainment because they took both the doer’s and the watcher’s attention away from reflection on the Bible and Christ.

Inns that permitted singing were closed. Live theatres were shuttered, Sunday rest was enforced and holidays were reserved for fasting and prayer.

Like our chums in southern Somalia, Cromwell believed all Englishmen should work hard — work purifies the soul–and spend any leisure time studying Scripture and praying.

The tragedy is, Hizbul Islam are far from alone in the Muslim world. Women in Iran are stoned, still, for dressing immodestly. When they were in power, the Taliban destroyed centuries-old statues in Afghanistan because they were graven images. They beat teachers who gave lessons to girls and banned women from working outside their homes. Honour killings are rampant in many Muslim countries and are spreading to Muslim communities in the West.

Ironically, Muslim extremists themselves often indulge in the very behaviours for which they punish others.

In the July/August issue of The Atlantic, David Byman, a Middle East expert at the Brookings Institute, and Christine Fair, an assistant professor in peace and security studies at Georgetown University, say that porn is amongst the most common content on laptops seized from al Qaeda operatives and other extremists. U.S. officials claim also to have video of would-be terrorists having it on with barnyard animals and one another.

I’ll bet the Hizbul Islam raiders, who killed innocent soccer fans two weeks back, went back to barracks in a hurry–so they could watch the second half themselves.